joa, 23, tallahassee, fl, usa
adventurer, artist, cat rescuer, nepal enthusiast, nerdfighter
project manager for the diehl family social enterprise competition
alumnus and former director of global peace exchange
bachelor of science in international affairs with concentration in political science and minor in social work from florida state university
fsu article | thesis | linkedin | twitter | pinterest
tags: by my hand, nepal, cats, c'est moi, likes, diy
Chibi the conure relaxes and enjoys scritches (source)
I’m trying to get my grandma to let me take her African Grey parrot and rehabilitate him. He is feather-picking and is not fed or watered properly. His cage is also a mess. She just can’t see it.
I just pledged $10 to receive a pack of playing cards with tattooed roller derby ladies illustrated by local tattoo artist, Shannon Young. Today’s the last day and it’s super close to being funded!
after studying for probably 6 hours total, i got a 162/170 verbal, 158/170 quantitative reasoning, and 5/6 analytical writing on the GRE.
"I think a lot of people like to see gender as this scale of blue and pink," Emma, a 20-year-old college student, told the magazine. "I never really identified with either side of that, or even in between blue and pink. It’s so much more complicated — my identity varies so much on any given day. Sometimes I tell people I’m gold or something."
I appreciate that it includes a bit from the original article, which clarifies:
"This growing community encompasses people who see themselves as agender (neither male nor female), bi-gender (both genders) and gender-fluid (shifting from male to female).
First of all, it’s totally not weird. Thanks for valuing my opinion enough to show up in my ask box <3
I commend you for not wanting to pretend anymore. Faking it is exhausting, and it doesn’t make anything better. One of my best friends, Andrew, told me recently that fake it until you make it is usually more like “fake it while it gets steadily worse.” Faking self-confidence, in my experience, leads to faking other things in order to get the approval of those around you. It leads to compromising your values, throwing your beliefs out the window, putting your dreams on the back burner.
So, how you get to the place where you have self-confidence? You embrace who you are. Be your authentic self. Do things you love, stand up for things you believe in, fight for the things you know in your heart to be right. That’s a lot easier said than done, though.
The first step in my journey meant going to counseling. Not counseling your parents forced you to go to in middle school where you sulked for an hour and grudgingly responded to “how are you feeling?” type questions, but real counseling, where you go in with the desire to make yourself better, and you open up to your counselor and really work to find out what it is at the root your self-confidence issue. Everybody has something. I’m a firm believer in something Renee Yohe said once: our heads are scary places to go alone. Counselors go to a lot of school to learn how to go there with you.
If you’re enrolled in a college or university, most of them offer free counseling. It’s free! Take advantage of it. If you aren’t still in school, look up counselors in your area online. Some of them even offer sliding scales so you can pay what you can afford. If you have a university in your area, you can call their counseling center, they usually have a good list of referrals. But find a counselor you like and trust. It might take a few tries, but don’t give up. Counselors are human too, and there will be some people we just aren’t compatible with.
Then, you let your guard down. You open up. You let people see who you really are. It’ll be difficult at first, because you’ll have to weed out some people who don’t deserve to be in your life. I won’t lie to you- that is going to suck. You might find distance between you and some people you really cared about, and it’s going to hurt. But, the good part is, you will also find people who love you for you really are, and who are there to support you, and who understand that the inside of your head is a dark and desolate place to be some days, and who don’t expect you to be perfect. They’ll be there to reassure you and love you when you need it. You can depend on those people.
Ultimately, the goal is to love yourself, and at that point it won’t matter who you have in your life, you’ll always be okay. Until you get to the place where you love yourself, surround yourself with people who love you and who love themselves, so they can teach you.
Learn to hold yourself to the same standards you hold everyone else- kindness in you is just as valuable a trait as it is in your younger brother, your best friend, your favorite aunt, or your classmate. Don’t sell yourself short.
Do things you’re proud of, and do lots of them. Stay busy for a little while. Get involved with something that makes the world a better place. It will make you feel like a better person.
Take care of yourself, though. Take time for yourself. I do yoga, and it helps me to have an hour a few times a week where I am reminded to stay in the present moment and just breathe.
Anyway, this was probably wayyyyy longer than you expected it to be, but I don’t have all the answers- I wish I had a magic formula to help you unearth self-confidence and happiness by next week, but I don’t. This is still a daily struggle for me, too. I’m doing the best I can, and that’s all that can be expected of either of us on this journey.
And, anon- you’re amazing. Your past does not define you. You are wonderful. Try not to brush off the compliment. You are amazing and wonderful, and if there is some deep, dark, errant part of your soul that your mind went to, trying to justify that there’s something that invalidates that compliment, something I don’t know about you that would stop me from saying those things, then it’s time to air out those grievances. Shame needs dark and secrecy to survive, don’t give it any.
You’re loved, and your story is so important <3
Made With Code (powered by Google) allows you to create a free bracelet from their 3D printer! Mine will show up in 3-4 weeks!
I will probably never wear it, so if someone else wants it, just let me know. I just knew this would be the best idea (: